Everytime
by leather cuffs
Summary: Rated for suicide. After Jou breaks up with Kaiba he realizes how much he needs him and that he can't live without him. Aftermath of an SJ break-up. Songfic feat. Britney Spears' Everytime


Okay, yes, Britney Spears song, we know. But, this fit how I felt when I was writing this, and it fits what I did to Jou. So yes, anyways, moving on.

**Bold: Jou's thoughts (First Person Jou P.O.V.), all 'he's' refer to Seto**

******_Bold Italics: Song Lyrics _**

_Italics: His letter_

Regular: Third person, omniscient

That's done, on with it.

****

********

**_Notice me, take my hand _**

Jou cried, curled up in a tight ball on his bed, his sobs grew louder and louder as he lay there… thinking was too painful for him, thinking caused remembering… Remembering everything…

**I know, I've always been ignored by someone… but why does it have to be him now? Why him of all people!?**

**_Why are we strangers when _**

**_Our love is strong _**

Jou's sobs grew stronger. He was singing in a broken voice, in broken chords, with broken heart to match.

**Why did you begin to ignore me… our love was too strong for that… Maybe… Maybe I'm pretending, maybe I only thought our love was strong… Did our love even exist?**

**_Why carry on without me?_**

Jou sat up, his tears still running freely. He walked over to his dresser lightly running his hands over all the objects sitting there.

**You can carry on without me can't you… That cold exterior will get you though it… But… I have nothing to protect me. You were my shield, my fortress, you protected me…**

**_Everytime_****_ I try to fly, I fall _**

**_Without my wings, I feel so small_**

Jou's finger stopped when he reached a picture, a picture of Seto Kaiba, the sobs grew louder as he picked up the picture letting a few crystalline tears hit it. 

**My wings… You were my wings… you make me feel so small now… I've tried to fly… move on… I can't… the pain is too much… why did I leave you?!**

**_I guess I need you, baby_**

Jou gently set the picture down. He moved towards a drawer, he slipped it open and pulled out a sheet of paper; he sat down and began writing a letter to all of his friends, his sister, and to Kaiba. 

**I thought I could live without you… but I do truly need you… forever and always…**

**_And everytime I see you in my dreams _**

**_I see your face, it's haunting me _**

**_I guess I need you, baby _**

_Dear Everyone,__Please, I beg of you to forgive me for what I am about to do. For I am a coward, and I cannot stand to live in this world any longer, the pain has encompassed my heart, my eyes, my mind._

**Yes… I dream about you… I dream about you every night… those sweet touches… whispers… endearments… those ice blue eyes are haunting me… I guess I really do need you… I need you before I go even more insane, if that's even possible…**

**_I make believe that you are here _**

**_It's the only way I see clear _**

**_What have I done?_**

****_To Kaiba, I'm sorry, but don't forgive me, I'm not worth it. I've caused much too much pain for me with my idiocy. As for you I have no idea, but don't lament if there is any pain. You will find someone that will deserve and love you. _

**I pretend too much. Did you know that? Of course you did… You knew everything… How could you not know something like that? I mean, it was so obvious, I think, I even pretended that we had love… I was blinded… It's sad actually.**

****

**_You seem to move on easy _**

_To Yuugi, don't let this bring you down. It, in all honesty had nothing to do with you. And I don't mean that much to people in this world anyway. So no hard feelings, otherwise I might accidentally drag you down to hell with me._

**You're so distant… like before, no one knew… no one knows… Except me and my broken heart… and the tears that flow steadily down my cheeks… **

**_And everytime I try to fly, I fall _**

**_Without my wings, I feel so small _**

**_I guess I need you, baby _**

****_Shizuka__, don't cry over me. Those beautiful hazel eyes shouldn't be filled up with tears especially over your idiot big brother. My purpose in life was to save your eyesight, now that that's done, I have no more reason to live. _

**I don't need you. Why would I? I'm my own individual; I don't need you to help me with anything. Ever…But, I know that no matter how many times I repeat this… I know can't fool myself… I know I need you… I always will…. **

**_And everytime I see you in my dreams _**

**_I see your face, you're haunting me _**

**_I guess I need you, baby _**

_Honda, thanks for helping me with all of those worthless fights and sticking up for Yuugi with me. Good times, remember them, not me. _

**You're sadistic, always haunting me… Do you even know you are? Why am I even asking myself this… You always know… I'm sure you know now, and you're enjoying every minute of it… You also know that I know nothing… I'm just a worthless dog in your eyes. I am so worthless, so alone… So lost…**

**_I may have made it rain _**

**_Please forgive me _**

**_My weakness caused you pain _**

**_And this song's my sorry_**

Setting down his pen, he walked over to that same desk drawer, opening it once again, this time not for a sheet of paper, but for a razor blade. He set the paper at what he thought was a safe distance away from him and slowly dragged the blade across his arm. 

**I know what I did… I know it was my fault, being the idiot I am, I didn't think I needed you… Would you let me back if I asked? No, I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anyone. I'm better off dead. So I will be. Soon, soon now, darkness will take me under and mark me as a permanent resident.**

**_At night I pray _**

**_That soon your face will fade away _**

The blood welled up from his newly acquired wound. He watched it, one drop on the carpet, two, three, four… this sight was beautiful to him… crimson blood, mixing with other stains on the floor… Overtaking…Overpowering… Just like the darkness in his heart… 

**Your face will never fade form my memory, no matter how much I want it to. No matter how much I pray.**

**_And everytime I try to fly, I fall _**

**_Without my wings, I feel so small _**

**_I guess I need you, baby _**

**_And everytime I see you in my dreams _**

**_I see your face, you're haunting me _**

**_I guess I need you, baby_**

****The blood pooled on the floor, mixing with his tears, as he fell to the floor, the picture of Kaiba slid off the desk, crashing to the ground, breaking the glass in its frame. The last words to escape the blonde's slowing cooling mouth were, "I'm sorry…"


End file.
